The Holy Family

The Holy Family
December 26, 2004

"Wives, be subordinate to your husbands...Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything...Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged." (Colossians 3: 12-21)

The day after Christmas, Sirach (3:2-6,12-14) and St. Paul offer advice about parental relationships and the gospel (Matthew 2:13-23) tells the story of Jesus' parents fleeing to protect him from danger. St. Paul's advice is a radical departure from the practice of his own day in which women and children had absolutely no legal or perceived moral right to protection from abuse or injustice from husbands and fathers. But here are the beginnings of an idea of reciprocity in the family relationship. Men have as much responsibility for the relationship as women. In a similar way fathers have as much responsibility, if not more, to treat their children well as children do to be respectful. Even a literal reading of this passage would not yield any justification for men to act in autocratic or authoritarian ways. Our family relationships would instead imitate the respect with which Emanuel lives with us based on love and mutual respect. Above all parents have a solemn obligation to do everything in their power to ensure their children's physical, emotional and spiritual safety. This is practical, everyday living in the true "Spirit of Christmas".

In spite of this ideal of family life, far too many of us have at some point in our lives experienced physical, sexual and emotional/spiritual abuse by spouses, parents, other family members, and people in spiritual authority. These people know uniquely what profound and lifelong pain, shame and isolation this causes. It is very difficult for those of us who have not experienced this to understand how permanently devastating this kind of abuse can be. We naturally want to defend ourselves from this reality, and thus often end up defending the perpetrator and blaming the victims. No one wants to believe that someone we trusted has betrayed us. Statements we make about victim's motives ("they are just after the money") without knowing anything about the situation only make things worse perpetuating victims' sense of isolation and desperation. They know the truth but cannot tell it, and so continue to blame themselves, and the cycle of abuse goes on.

Jesus' parents did everything possible to protect their child and thereby have become a model for family life. If we are to imitate this model, we must learn to believe each other when we are told that vulnerable people, children and adults, are being endangered. Our families and our church communities cannot afford to do otherwise if we wish to follow the divine commandments to love one another and seek the truth.